I was having breakfast the other day with a friend who was giving dating advice to his son. For purposes of his anonymity, I am going to call just call him “Son.”
My friend said, “Son, you’re 18 so I am going to tell you how you date. Since you are 18, you are allowed to date a woman half your age plus seven.” Son looked at him and said, “Alright Dad. You’re 50, so that means you can date a woman who is 32. And that means I can date a woman who is 16.”
From where did this ridiculous rule come? You can date someone as young as half your age plus seven years? It’s so male-skewed, it’s ridiculous.
It’s no wonder that so many women feel men are so immature that they can’t date men their own age. It’s because of this urban legend that has gone around forever.
Based upon this rule, the only time as a man that you can date a woman your own age is when you’re 14 years old (because half of fourteen is seven, and seven plus seven is fourteen). So at the ripe old age of fourteen — the age when you still have pimples, are as insecure as can be and are unlikely to get anything more than a kiss from a woman your own age — that is the only time when you can enjoy dating a woman your own age?
What about if your ten year old looks at you and says, “I’m ready to date Dad.” Do you say, “No problem. Half your age is five. Add seven to that, and you can date a twelve year old — an older woman.” There is so much a twelve year old can teach a ten year old — advanced coloring, advanced texting, and so many other important life skills.
Then you get a little older. You’re 20 years old and, under this rule, you can date a 17 year old. Great! There you are in college, and you get to go back to high school again to find a girlfriend.
When you’re 25, you can date a 19½ year old. So there you are in the working world for the last three years, and now you can go back to dating sophomores in college. You can go back to attending frat parties and having people throw up on you.
When you’re 30, you can date someone that’s 22. That’s exactly where you want to be. You have been out in the business world for eight years, and you want to be dating a girl fresh out of college? You want to date someone who hasn’t actually had a real job yet, and is still going out and drinking like a college student?
When you’re 35, you can date a someone 24½. Now you’re dating someone eleven years younger than you. Your friends are going to be really impressed that you can date a younger woman.
When you’re 40, you can date a woman who is 27 years old. All right. So now she seems like an older woman at least. She’s been around the block a bit, but she’s still not a luscious incredible woman over the age of 30 yet. Under this formula, you can’t even date a woman over the age of 30 until you have hit 46.
At 46, you can date a woman who is 30. So, finally, at the age of 46 you can date a woman over the age of 30. That’s when women start to hit their sexual peak. So you finally at 46 get to have incredible sex with a beautiful, mature woman — but you have to wait 46 years to do it according to this urban legend.
When you’re 50, you can date a woman that is 32. That makes sense, considering the fact that an 18-year age difference is something to which you should really be accustomed.
At 60 you can date a woman who is 37. At 70 you can date a woman who is 42. Wow, at 70 the 42-year-olds are probably some of your daughter’s friends from high school that you grew up with who have now gone through divorces. So finally after all these years, you can actually date the kids you knew when they were kids.
At 80 you can date a woman who is 47. That’s exactly what women are looking for at that age. They would love to hang out with an 80-year-old guy. Here they are, still looking great, young and fantastic. There you are with your balls basically hanging down to your knees and your skin sagging everywhere. Half the day you can’t even get up without feeling pain. Thanks to Cialis, though, you can jump in the bathtub and get a hard-on.
When women date younger men, they are called “cougars” and people say they are messing around with younger guys. There is a negative connotation to a woman dating a younger man.
As a man, though, you are congratulated if you are 80 years old and dating woman who is 47 years old. You’re basically like Larry King.
Come on guys. It’s insane how ridiculous these rules are.
Maybe try dating people who are within seven years of your age. If you are 40 years old, try dating women who are 33 and 47 years old. You might learn something instead of always being the guy who has to teach.